It's just not healthy

I happen to live with an interesting family situation. My parents and sister live on the other side of the country from me, but the rest of my mothers family lives less than 2 hours away from me (the closest being my grandparents who just live an hour away). As a result, I don't spend a lot of holidays with my parents, but rather with my extended family. I moved to Massachussetts because I had family here, family that is close to each other. When I came to visit as a child I always felt like I was missing out on something because I didn't live here. I am not sure what I expect from my extended family, but in the past 3.5 years that I have lived here I know that I don't like them or myself when I am with them.
For example, with my parents there is a more equal division of labor. My father is in charge of cleaning up after dinner when my mother cooks. With my extended family it's like they are stuck in the 1950s. The women do it all and then hire other women to help them clean up after a meal while the men just sit and watch TV. Every so often a man may help with something, but in general it's tv for the men. I am a feminist - I can't stand the idea of men doing nothing while women work. It shocked the hell out of me to see this when I first moved here. I would make a point of sitting with the men because I was going to protest the traditional gender roles. I hate sports, but damn it, I was protesting! Eventually I learned that if I drank to the point of being drunk it would silence the internal feminist and allow me to at least enjoy the evening and help. All the alcohol also made me hungrier and made me eat more at family events. It didn't help that they make enough food to feed an army, that they pick all evening and have multiple courses with long breaks between each one so we can digest and have room for more. The alcohol not only silences the feminist, but also the responsible eater in me.
Recently I have realized that I can't continue with this. First of all, it throws me off when I eat these big meals. It's not healthy for me to eat so much. Second, it's not healthy that I drink so much. Forget the issue of feeling I have to drink with my family, the calories in alcoholic beverages throws me off as well. Third, the issue of feeling like I have to drink is horrible - it's boarderline alcoholism. I don't usually drink at all so for me to go from zero to, what I call, familial alcoholism is not healthy. Fourth, the stress that comes out of these family events is not healthy. I am not necessarily a stress eater, but stress in general is not healthy.
So, the final decision is this: NO MORE. No more family dinners, no more drinking, no more over eating, no more stressing. Unless my parents are in town I will be avoiding all family events. I will still go visit my grandparents, but I am going to make other plans for traditional family events. First up, the Jewish high holidays. What usually results in about 3 dinners in two weeks will now be NONE. It's not like I even practice Judaism anymore - I am an atheist. I only go to the dinners for the food. Next, Thanksgiving: back home to see my parents. Third, Passover: I have been invited to visit my best friend next Passover. We plan on not doing anything, but we will be doing nothing together. Fourth, Mother's Day: in theory next year I would like to be with my mother for mother's day. The added excuse - gas prices are too high for me to just go see them for a simple dinner. If they actually want to see me they know where I live and can mapquest me.