It's hard

Seasons effect me in different ways. In the summer it is really easy for me to go swimming because it is so hot out. Just being in the water is a nice change. At the same time, the last thing I want to do is cook during a heat wave. It just makes it hotter to have the stove or oven on. This past week has been a good example of this, the last thing I wanted to do was cook. I ate out two nights in a row because I was so hot. Also, being in the car means being in the AC. The winter will be the exact opposite. I won't want to swim because it will be so cold and dark when I get to swim and I will want to cook because the heat from the over and stove warms up the kitchen. It's just the way it is.
Today will be an interesting test though, it's cold out. It's only cold by summer standards - low 70s. After mid-90s all week, the drop is a shock to my system. Will I be tempted to head home and into my bed to snuggle or will I get my butt to the pool and suffer the chill that comes with wet hair? I have a little over an hour to decide...

It's over - I sang

I no longer have a weekend job. I am so happy to be able to say that, so happy to have that stress removed from my life, just so happy. As a result of this change, my whole routine has changed. Now that I can go out again I am. I can go out to eat with friends, go see movies with friends, etc. For example, on Saturday night when my last shift ended, I met some friends for a night of trivia at a local restaurant. They love to do trivia and took me with them this time. We ate dinner and sat at the bar for the night as the trivia games were played. It was fun, but I ate pizza and drank soda all night (which is better than alcoholic beverages, but still not as good as water). I realized this week that I am going to have to alter my eating again.
1) I have to take my swimming into account. As I said before, I am very hungry after I swim. Debra reminded me that I need to be prepared for the hunger. Since I am swimming every day I think I can use those activity points to add some food back into my diet (thank you weight watchers for allowing us to list activity points and then use them to eat more). I have hesitated to do this before, hoping I would loose weight faster, but I think it's more important to fit swimming into my routine properly. I am in week 4 and this is the critical week where I usually start cutting back on how often I work out until i am not working out at all.
2) I have to take movies and dinners out into account. I can not socialize and not eat. I want food when I see a movie, I want to enjoy myself when I go out with friends. I did this last year without a problem so I should be able to find a place for these activities now.
3) Having weekends free in general will effect my eating. I will not have the temptation and easy access of donuts, but I will have other things like boredom. I must return to counting points and keeping track of things.

Now that I have less stress I can also go back to my blog reading, something I have been very bad about over the past few weeks. It's catchup and comment time!

I just want to eat

I have not been very mature this week, I just keep eating. I am eating proper foods, but I am not controling it. I think it has to do with my frustration with time not passing fast enough. I have one more shift at my weekend job and these past few shifts, since I gave my notice, have been more stressful than any other shift. They changed my schedule at the last minute on last Saturday, the guy who covers me when I am on my break allowed someone to pump after their credit card was not read. I had to stop that drive off and then I had another one because he wasn't around to help me watch during a busy period. I just don't understand why they dont require prepaying pumps. I think it solves so many problems! Anyway, I am so excited about the last shift. I can ignore Dunkin Dognuts when I am not there all weekend.
I am still swimming. If I can get past the one month mark I will be very happy. I usually do not stick with workouts for more than a month. I think the key is to get obsessed with it - well for me it probably is. I have had to order a new bathing suit. The one I have been wearing is tearing at the bra lining. Its a brand new suit so I called Lane Bryant's Catalog (I will deal with that issue another day) and they are sending me a whole new suit. I selected a totally different suit, something with a higher neck. I am not use to a low neck line so I constantly feel like my boobs are popping out - it's not comfortable at all. The new one looked like it had a higher neck line so let's cross our fingers that it does. I am also getting better with my swimming. First, I am swimming 1200 meters in a little over a half hour now. My father swims about twice as much in 45 minutes so I want to be able to do 45 minute workouts and maybe do that many laps - especially by the time I go home to visit them again. I am also doing flip turns! This has been very difficult because it requires a certain level of stamina that I barely have. I am not struggling for breath like I was when I first started, but I am still not at my ideal stamina. As a reward for being so dedicated my parents have sent me some water gloves with webbing between the fingers. This will help me with my strokes, it will pull them through the water faster.
My swimming has also effected my eating and I realized that it was always like this. I leave my workout exhausted and starving. Making up for this has also caused the above problem. I just eat when I get home. Today is the first day I haven't brought food into the den after my work out. Maybe I can act mature for the rest of the week and not gorge after workouts.

The Stress....

I have been under a lot of stress for the past few days, mostly extended family related. I have been trying my best to not turn to food to help me through this and rather turn to something healtier. I admit I haven't been very successful with that goal. I have been swimming though and since my arms are no longer sore I have been able to swim a bit faster. By the end of July I would really like to have the stamina to do some flipturns though. I have also given my two week notice at my weekend job - the job where I spend much of my time eating donuts. I decided to give up trying to avoid them for the next three shifts because in trying to avoid them I just eat more. Maybe if I just eat donuts and muffins when I want them then I will be better off; I will do less damage if you will.
I have made a decision that I will probably not be weighing in until I am done at the gas station job. I am going to go to meetings for the support, but in general I am just going to avoid the weight in so I don't discourage myself. I just have to keep swimming and I eating properly the rest of the week. Maybe, if I feel as if it will be a good day, I will weight in this week. I just don't know right now... I have to get rid of the stress for the moment.