Post Weigh-In Reflections

I was down 1.2lbs today to bring me to my first 5 lbs. After all the swimming to make up for my dounut gorge last weekend I am pleased with the results. I am glad to finally reach one goal and be able to set another.
We had a meeting that was to focus on the cost of trying to loose weight - just the cost of food actually. It wasn't really inspiring to me, but like with all meetings, I had one nugget of knowledge to keep in mind. A lifetime member had come to the meeting and it turns out that she actually lost a significant number of lbs when trying to maintain. She explained that she ate poorly last weekend and made up for it during the week by eating less. Her point was that when you have been trying to loose weight for so long it is difficult to give it up. I thought this was very insightful and on point. Maybe this is part of the reason why people can't keep weight off. It brought to mind something a different leader said that a lot of people allow fat to become familiar. We don't know who we are without being fat. So much of my identity has to do with my weight - the way I interact with people, the way I define what I like to do; it all revolves around my weight.
Last year when I first started loosing weight I use to think that once it happened I would be a new person inside as well as out. What I have realized since then is that the weight loss won't magically make me a new person, I have to work just as hard at that as well. If I don't I will always be a fat girl - I will stop the weight loss and gain it all back because I can't remember being anything but a fat girl. In the end, I wonder if I will have a problem letting go of the weight loss process. I will probably be doing it for over a year and I will be comfortable with the process. Will I be able to give it up when all is said and done?
I have had a crummy day since I left my meeting. I was making a deposit of a paycheck that was not as large as I expected and some guy blocked me into my parking spot. He was actually the person behind me at the ATM. So I waited for him to finish before i got pissy. He took his time and when he got in his car he just sat there talking on the phone! I honked my horn, laid on it for a bit and he just rolled up his window and ignored me. He sat there for a whole minute blocking me in the spot. Some nice guy pulled up next to him and told him to move so I could get out of my spot. Thank you to that man, but what the fuck was up with the blocker? Please tell me why anyone would do that? I know i should presume innocence, but could someone really be that dense?
Finally, I want to say thank you to Debra who commented on my last entry. I like the idea of reverse anorexia. It also makes me feel better that I am not the only one with this kind of body misconception. I would love to hear from others who experience the same thing.